Letters from the Crushed

s,

I’m trying to move on. Actually, what I meant was: I’m giving up.

— a



E,

Isn’t it too bad that we didn’t do anything because we couldn’t jeopardize such a great friendship? We’re barely friends anymore, and we’re both still unhappy.

— P




S,

You’re unconsciously breaking my heart and I’m telling you subtly. Please learn how to take a hint.

— P




red,

i don’t know why we never let anything ‘happen’ between us. we clicked, like finding the right key for the right lock, but we never open it. even though we could.

— yellow

Best friend,

You were so afraid to mess up a great friendship, that you wouldn’t let us think about being something more.

The irony? We don’t talk anymore, anyway.

— A best friend that misses you

C,

I’ve come to accept that you will only like girls who treat you like crap. It’s a shame I never could be so cruel to you so you would love me too.

— A

C,

I googled “how to make a guy fall in love with you” today. And you know what I realized (other than how sad and pathetic it was that I actually googled it)? I’d already done all the things listed… and you still don’t love me.

— K

Be cool, be hot, be weird, it's just four years

In less than 3 days, I'll be in the fourth quarter of my Junior year.
In a little over 2 months, I'll be done with my Junior year.
In a little more than a year, I'll be graduating high school.

Holy. Shit.

Don't get me wrong, I strongly dislike school. I hate the workload, the stupid people you have to deal with, the studying, everything. But where else have I known besides school? Where else have ANY of us known? Technically, we've been in school for about 90% of our lives. And I'm not talking low restrictions, take-responsibility-yourself college type of school; I mean scheduled, here are your teachers, this is when you go to lunch, you HAVE TO GO school. So ultimately, in about a years time, I'll be leaving every comfort zone, every routine, every lifestyle that I've known since before I can remember. That's it. No exceptions. I'm DONE.
Over the summer thoughts will be switched from "where should I get my locker this year?" to "will I even HAVE a locker this year?"; from "I hope I have classes with all my friends" to "am I even going to KNOW anyone?"; and from "I've still got a few more years left" to "I can't believe it's already over."
Sure, I'm excited. College is where all the fun is. It's where we can get away from our parents, restrictions, rules. It's freedom. But am I ready for all that? I don't know. Can I discipline myself to go to classes when no one else will? I don't know. Am I going to be alright? I. Don't. Know.
Every aspect of our lives revolves around high school. All the friends you've made over the years, the teachers you've become close with, the memories you're so fond of; it's all here. Pretty much all of the people I know now I'll never talk to again. Sure, you say you'll keep in touch, but when you're thousands of miles away, it gets so difficult to keep that promise. As horrible as it feels to admit it, I may not even talk to my best friend ever again after this is over. That scares the hell out of me. Everything I could have in my life is out there, but everything that IS my life is right here. I'm not sure if I'm ready to leave it yet.

I can moan and complain about how much I'll miss it here despite how much I want to leave, but ultimately, it's happening. And fast. I guess maybe the reason it's taking me by surprise so much is because when you think of 4 years of high school as that little excited 8th grader, it seems like eternity, and becoming a Senior seems like the unreachable holy grail at the end of eternity. But really, it goes a lot faster than you think. Part of that sucks, but part of it's exciting, and all of it is just how life goes.

So I guess all I can say is "freshmen, hold on, it's only four years long, then it's gone. So be cool, be hot, be weird...it's just four years." <3

jdhfjkdhfksd

Just stopping by to say that I want to punch every male I've ever met in the face- except for Michael Brinkman and Nathan Perreau- simply for being a part of such a narcissistic, egostistical, irrational, infuriating gender.

Kthxbye.

Re-living those happy memories:)

Sometimes when you're down, re-living the memories that made you the happiest is the only way to go. I was trying to think of some of the happiest moments in my life, and I realized that they all revolve around one person and one weekend with her specifically: my best friend Lily Marie Leitkowski and our trip to Disney for my 16th birthday. That was without a doubt THE BEST weekend of my life to date. Lily and I have the best times anyway, and all my greatest and happiest memories are without a doubt with her. But put the two of us in "the happiest place on earth" and you've got yourself a recipe for hilarity and havoc causin'. And that's exactly what we did.
So this blog is for you and I, Lily, with all the funny pictures and hilarious insiders that I can remember. It made me excessively happy making this, and I'm sure it'll make you just as joyful reading it and re-living one of the best times of our lives so far :)

• riding everest 38947238942 times in order to get the right picture

• front row on everest

• shutting our eyes and plugging our ears on the dinosaur ride because we're wimps

• "check out steven tyler's hat!" "i know lily you've said it 5 times"

• can you hand me my black les paul?

• you know how we feel about our fans

• "we can't just leave these people here!" "we can't?" "nuh-oh!"

• getting front row to rockin rollar coaster without even having to ask

• that guy at RRC getting the whole room to sing happy bday to me

• "SINGLE RIDER, WOOOOOO!"

• ditching the other parks within 5 minutes of getting there to go on RRC again

• buying literally every food item i walked by

• midday naps :)

• watching late night disney tour shows on the hotel tv once we got back at like 2am

• "the LAAAAAAAAAAAAAND!"

• "that'll be 11.69" "man that number follows us everywhere" *cashier chuckles* "lily you dropped a penny" "it's hard to handle!" *cashier bursts out laughing*

• "you'll be 6 and she'll be 9! you can't use the pen though it's too hard to handle...i hope my boss didn't hear that"

• "i fricken LOVE Hercules!!"

• "I'm going to a picnic and I'm bring an anteater, a blueberry, a condom..."

• reciting old gregg on the bus back from Magic Kingdom at 1am

• singing The Resolution on Thunder Mountain Railroad

• not being able to get from Magic Kingdom to Hollywood studios or vice versa, so having to take a bus to the ticket center, take the bus to Hollywood Studios, ride RRC first row, then take the bus back to the ticket center, and take the monorail back to Magic Kingdom, all at about 10:30pm at night on a Sunday.

• Walk This Way by Aerosmith <3

• Magic Kingdom at night with the Spectromagic Parade and Wishes Fireworks <333>

• "VOOOOOOOOOLCANOOOOOOO!" Rainforest Cafe for bday dinner

• getting a Splash Mountain picture all by ourselves at midnight

• "I REALLY HATE YOU RIGHT NOW. WHY DID I GET ON THIS RIDE??"
  

• "I have a feeling that the Laughin Place isn't going to be very funny"

• "so uhh Lily...Hollywood Studios is still open..." "I WAS THINKING THE SAME THING LET'S GOOOOOOO!"

So here's to all our crazy antics, obsessions with rides, early morning bus rides, cheese-sauce loving, checking out steven tyler's hat tendencies, and here's to the 176 days exactly until it all goes down again for my 17th ;)