The night that permanently altered my life forever.

After sitting for an hour through a terrible opening act and agonizing minutes after minutes of waiting, the lights dimmed. The screen on the stage turned on to a video of 4 guys walking through a street alleyway. The crowd was roaring and shrieking as the camera angles individually showed each group member, each girl screaming louder for her favorite. Finally when the tension was so high you could not possibly have risen it any further without causing an absolute riot, the 4 members on the screen came running towards it in the video, and the second they reached the edge of the screen, it happened. Through the very screen, leaping through and landing with such a confidence that could only come from 17 years performing, were the 4 guys I had idolized since I had been 6 years old. One of the very members being a man I had dreamed about and stared at posters of and screamed like I was in a cheap horror film at the mere thought of. Their music had literally siphoned me through my childhood. And there they were, right there! Standing on a stage in front of me, granting the wishes of all my musical dreams since my toddler years.

The Backstreet Boys.

Now, I'm not an emotional person, but certain things get me. And seeing the band live that I have obsessed over and longed for for 10 years is one of them. I sprang out of my seat, I screamed 'til my throat was raw, the tears were flowing from my eyes as if a dam had sprung a leak. It wasn't registering in my brain. THEY WERE RIGHT THERE. Performing. For me to see. This had to have been a dream. It couldn't really be happening, my life wasn't that spectacular.

Oh but it was. This became my realization as they performed hit after hit that I knew every word to. The lights were flashing and moving around so much, I'm surprised I didn't have a seizure. I could literally feel my seat vibrating from the sound. My rushes of tears were re-started time after time during songs like "Shape of My Heart," "I'll Never Break Your Heart," "Incomplete," "As Long As You Love Me," etc. They sounded as amazing as they always had on the CDs. They danced as brilliantly as they did years ago in concerts I had on video because I wasn't permitted to go to them myself. And NO, they were not lip-syncing. They never did and never will. They are truly one of the most talented groups of this millennium. And my obsession-inspired love was reignited all over again to its full potential as I watched the amazing men perform as well as I had only imagined in my dreams.

Unfortunately, this awe-inspiring, surreal night had to come to an end. But it ended with the pictures, the concert shirts, and the memories that will last me a lifetime. Sure, they weren't selling out 15,000 people stadiums like they used to when I was in elementary school. And sure, I'll never get to go to a concert of that magnitude. But I got to see them. And when they performed, their vocals were 10 times as good, dance moves 10 times as creative, and passion for what they were doing 10 times as strong, and that's all that mattered to me. Because concerts like these are put on for the REAL fans. And I have been, am now, and will always be a real Backstreet Boys fan.

I got to see a band that I grew up with, idolized, and brought me to tears by their sheer presence.
How many people can say that?

Today...

was a mixture of hilarity and suckiness.

First I had my French final, which in and of itself wasn't that terrible of an entity, but that also meant that my French teacher, Miss Etienne, was leaving. She came here from France and now has to go back due to her exchange time being up. It's really upsetting because she was an awesome teacher, and I legitimately learned things from her. I now know that if I ever had to go survive in France for a day, I'm pretty sure I could do it.
If that's not enough for the sad departures, Mr. Williams, my sophomore AP World History teacher, without a doubt my favorite teacher ever, is leaving as well. He's moving back to Ohio. I'm really going to miss randomly popping into his classes or seeing him in the hallways. He was a great teacher and managed to get me to remember quite a deal of history, which is a huge feat if you knew how much I loath anything historical. Senior year will be so weird knowing he's not there. It's chill though because I'm going to get accepted to Ohio State University, so I'll see him again one day haha :)
Then there's my detestable excuse for a Chemistry teacher. Who the hell is she to deny me extra credit!? Just because I'm smarter than her and correct her mistakes in class doesn't mean I should get punished because of it. She's a teacher, she should just get smarter. Not my problem you can't do math, BITCH.
Finally, the good part of my day, was the intense "Ninja" session during AP US History. If you don't know what this game is, find out from someone and PLAY. It's addicting as crack. Not that I would know how addicting crack is or anything. Just making a generalized analogy.

So yeah, that was basically my day. I came home after to pass out for a few hours, wake up to my food, and now I'm sitting here, bored, as I usually am. Luckily, in exactly 23 hours and 36 minutes, I will be attending something revolutionary. An event that has been a monumental impact in the music world of pop for years. An event I've longed for since the minuscule age of 6 when I became utterly obsessed with this phenomenon. An event that will probably bring me to tears and cause me to lose my voice.

I'm going to a Backstreet Boys concert.

12 Confessions.

-I cry myself to sleep more often than not. Most of the time not for a specific reason, but just because I feel like I need to cry.
-I love someone, but I'm not in love.
- I'm really jealous of those two girls I hate because they have the attention of people I want.
-I fall for people easily because I feel like if I don't consider everyone, I'll end up alone.
-I make fun of the overly emotional lovey-dovey couples, but I really would love to have that.
-There's very little I actually like about myself.
-I hate to do singing competitions because I'm scared that I'm going to come across someone who's better than me.
-Singing gives me all the self-confidence I have.
-I would follow him to college. That makes me hate myself.
-I plan out every move I make and every thing I say out of fear of looking/sounding stupid.
-I'm obnoxiously materialistic and I secretly loath my parents for not bringing me into a wealthier household.
-I can be a pathological liar. I'm trying to break myself of it and I think I've gotten much better. I still give in every now and then, though.

I feel like if we could all make a habit of admitting things we don't want to, dealing with situations that make us uncomfortable or confused will be easier. Vulnerability isn't a weakness, it's a tool that can help further you in life and as a person.
It's taken me a while to figure that out.

Your Confessions from Tumblr

Because I don't have the courage to say any of these things myself.

1943.) people who don’t know me think im independant and strong. people who i let in know that i’m weak and overly sensitive. i let you in, biggest mistake of my life. you broke me. so FUCK you. have a happy life.

1940.) i dont know if im crazy but sometimes when im sad or lonely i just lie in bed and pretend your next to me and my head is on your chest

1931.) I know you don’t care at all, so please don’t act like you care for me, because it’s hurting me so much.

1932.) I dont feel whole anymore.

1909.) I believed you.

1905.) You’re my “what if”. And that drives me insane.

1895.) I would marry you in an instant if you ever asked.

1885.) Honestly? I have no fucking clue what you want from me anymore. I will love you forever, and you know that. What did I do wrong?

Things

Things that make me upset:
School isn't over yet.
I have way too much Chemistry work to make up.
I'm not in Disney.
Senior year isn't coming fast enough.
I still don't have a job and therefore still don't have my car.

Things that make me happy:
Tomorrow :)
I wrote my college essay for FSU and it's kind of amazing, in my opinion.
I've decided all the colleges I want to apply to.
I don't think I'll have any trouble getting accepted to any of them.
There's a possibility I may get to go to my dream college of Ohio State.
I'm going to have the best graduation gift with Lily in Disney next year.
I'm going to Disney for Lily's birthday this year.
I'm almost a Senior!
Summer in less than a week!
Things are starting to work out really well between me and a person I've had relationship issues with for a long time now.
I'm most likely going to get a job with American Apparel in the next month.
I'll have my car and license by the beginning of Senior year.
My grades are great.
Backstreet Boys concert this saturday night!
3OH!3 concert with Lily on June 8th.
There are more things on my happy list than on my unhappy list :)

Random.

I haven't posted on here in quite some time. I suppose it's because nothing interesting has really been happening to me. I've had an excessive amount of AP/AICE exams, obscene amounts of chemistry to catch up on, and really just a whole lot of lazing around and anticipating the end of the school year to be doing. It's not so much that I haven't wanted to post, it's just that nothing has ever hit me as important enough lately to motivate me to leave my bed/the couch.
Yes, I am that lazy.
But yeah, nothing even remotely exciting has happened to me. Well, I guess there is one thing, but I can't really discuss it here because 1) it requires too much detail to be explained in order for a lamens reader to understand why it's exciting for me and 2) the person it involves might read it. So I think I'll pass on divulging that little gem of mystery.
I really need a job, I suppose I could touch on that. Absolutely NO WHERE is hiring and it's really pissing me off. For me, a job = money = being able to pay for insurance = my parents FINALLY allowing me the privilege of that car that I've been repeatedly staring at for months. So hey, if you're reading this and know somewhere that's hiring...PLEASE HELP ME. I'M SO DESPERATE IT'S BECOMING PATHETIC. Kthanks.
I honestly have nothing else to say...which is surprising for me. Genuinely, I've done little to nothing even remotely exciting the past few weeks. I'm going to Disney tomorrow and I have an audition for some choral thing in the morning, but that's not anything new. I always go to Disney and I'll get accepted into the choral thing. Not to be conceited...but yeah actually, I do mean to be conceited, I'm kind of a fucking boss at singing.
But other than my huge fine arts ego, I have minimal life events to share with you. So I suppose I just wasted about 5 minutes of whoever it is that decided upon reading this to something that was completely pointless and inconsequential to anything in life.

My bad.

SEN11ORS

It feels so good wearing that senior shirt and crown, you have NO idea :)

Senior Crowning '11

She's with me even at Senior events. Because we're THAT good. (: <3

Can't wait to go through senior year with this girl<3

My epic-drawing-battle-between-class-meetings buddy haha:)


I don't know how I lived through AP Psych for the first semester without this kid.

I lurk Kristen way too much

But it's okay because this looked fun. Even though it took me a good 30 seconds to figure it out.
(And just for the record, she lurks me too <3)


I am:
Happy. Sad. A good friend. Adventurous. Shy. Confident. Procrastinating. Male. Bored. Anxious. Clumsy. Sociable. Always punctual. Selfish. Intelligent. Funny. Female. Sarcastic. Insecure. Sick. Beautiful. Articulate. Loud. Kind. Even tempered. Honest. Short. Tall. Medium height. Proud of myself. Loving. Witty. Down to earth. Outspoken. Determined. High maintenance. Pretty. Assertive. Organized. Selfless.


I have:
Brown hair. Brown Eyes. Blue Eyes. Curly hair. Long fingernails. Braces. Chipped nail polish. Long legs. Straight hair. A fringe. Long eyelashes. Sore feet. Freckles. Dark skin. Medium skin. Green eyes. Blonde hair. Dyed hair. Short legs. Red hair. Big boobs. Rosy cheeks. Wavy hair. Black hair. Small-ish waist. Tattoos. Piercings. Big ears. Short hair. Long hair.

I love:
Flowers. Kisses. Summer. Coffee. The rain. Candles. Incense. Late night talk shows. Insects. Hugs. Attention. The beach. Chocolate. Music. Beanies. Harry Potter. Twilight. Facebook. Black and white photos. Sleeping in. Driving. Narrating my pet’s thoughts. Opening gifts. Buying gifts. Halloween. Cute texts. Apples. Compliments. Country music. Hip Hop. Sushi. Sports. Art. Singing. Seeing my loved ones happy. Surprises. Sunsets and sunrises. Skinny dipping. Horror movies. Simon Cowell. Family Guy. Garlic. Hearing somebody talk in their sleep. Being right. KFC. Abstract photography. Concerts and festivals. Tanning. Oversized t-shirts.

I would love to be a:
Police officer. Lawyer. Doctor. Teacher. Fruit picker. Mother. Greenpeace volunteer. Hippie. Groupie. Rockstar. Footballer’s wife. Therapist. Singer. Actress. Diving instructor. Lottery winner. Company owner. Housewife. Nurse. Builder. Race car driver. Website developer. An inspirational talker. Music teacher. Artist. Chef. Makeup artist. Hairdresser. Restaurant owner. Homeless shelter volunteer. Fitness trainer. Vet. Radio show host. Band manager.

I like to eat:
Fruit. Vegetables. Fast food. Sushi. In bed. Rice. Sandwiches. Subway. Chicken. Cakes. Seafood. A lot. Pasta. Rice crackers. When I’m bored. Cheese. Ice cream. Garlic bread. Peanut butter out of the jar. Eggs. Lots of ethnic foods. Pancakes. Honey. Lunch. Bread crusts. Low calorie foods. Soy products. Gluten free products. When I’m hungry. Toast. Breakfast. Pizza.


I dislike:
Cold mornings. Baths. People dissing my taste in music. People in front of me walking really slowly. Having my personal space invaded. Cleaning. Going to bed early. Wine/beer. Religion arguments. Coffee. The beach. Rain. Children. Having my photo taken. Drama. Gossiping. Hip Hop. Cooking shows. Drugs. Cats. People singing happy birthday to me. Selfish people. Social networking sites. Swimming. Snow. Eminem. Seafood. One word text messages. Awkward silences. Alarm clocks. Hypocrites.

Busch Gardens...

...was really fun :)

We had to go up there for this chorus competition called Music in the Parks. It wasn't much of a competition, seeing as we were the only high school, but it still felt nice to actually get superior ratings and win some awards (which, if you heard our chorus and knew our teacher, you would know is a luxury we don't enjoy often).

Oh, and I got the medal for Outstanding Vocalist for my solo. No big deal or anything ;)
Running around the park with Tatiana was great, too. She's very adept at getting us to the front of lines, so we had minimal wait times.
The ride home had to be the best though. I loved everyone we sat near, which is cool because that normally doesn't happen when you are extremely irked by 85% of the people on said bus. But I sat next to Tatiana, Kurt and Drexel were in front of us, Karen and Sam were behind us, and Dominic, Kara, and Laura were to the right of us. Being on a cold, dark bus for 4 hours at a time in seats that are impossible to get comfortable in makes everyone a little loopy, but very very funny. I'll just let this picture explain it all.There are lots of aspects (and people) in chorus that I hate, but it's trips like these and people like this that reminds me why I started loving it in the first place. :)

Day 30

Whatever tickles your fancy~


I kinda love my friends to death :)