Day 11

A scene/moment that pissed you off~


Any and all scenes with Terri in them. I hated her so much.

Self-Restraint.

I don't think you understand how much self-restraint I have to have. When I talk to you most of the time it's okay and I don't think about it. There are times now and then when I get reminded, but most of the time I can handle it. But it's when I see you. When I see you, there's no avoiding it. I need to watch myself to make sure I don't smile at you for too long, or say anything suggestive that sounds too serious. Every second of every minute I see you my mind is running with the same thought over and over again. And it takes a lot of self-restraint to counteract that thought.
The truth is, I love everything about you. Your whole appearance, your personality, your intelligence, your sense of humor. We're the same in every way, we always get along. You're the one guy I've liked that I haven't been able to find something wrong with. But I guess there's stuff wrong with me. I mean, I know there is, but I guess it's stuff that you are incapable of looking past. Because while you're my perfect guy, I'm not your perfect girl.
And not gonna lie, that kinda sucks.

Day 11

Favorite Sue Sylvester Moment~

"I'm going to go inform the state of Ohio that I will no longer be carrying photo ID. Why? Because people should know who I am."

Day 10

Favorite Emma/Will Moment~

In the first season, when they were in that classroom late at night when Will was doing part time as a Janitor, and Will put that little dot of chalk dust on Emma's nose and then wiped it off ever-so-lightly with the back of his hand.
ADORABLE.

Day 09

Favorite Kurt/Mercedes Moment~

Definitely the 4 Minutes performance in the Madonna episode.

Day 08

Favorite Quinn/Puck Moment~


After Quinn gave birth, and the both of them are standing and looking down at their baby, Quinn asks Puck, "Did you love me?"
and he replies, "Yeah, especially now."
:) <3

Day 07

Favorite Tina/Artie Moment~


That moment in the Madonna episode when Tina went all women-power on Artie's ass, and then he apologized later for trying to turn her into something she's not. :)

Day 06

Favorite Rachel/Finn Moment~

Right before they were about to go on in the last episode, Finn just walks over to her, and before she can say anything he just goes, "I love you."
And then nothing else was said.
I teared up with happiness.

Why...

...is it so hard for guys to be nice? Or sympathetic? Or empathetic, for that matter. When you're upset with a guy, he says he's sorry. He doesn't know why or what for, he just knows he's supposed to be sorry. Does that sorry even heal the wound or mend the hurt feelings? Maybe I'm the only one, but I usually take those sorries and act like that fixed everything. That's how I deal with my emotions, really. Especially with guys. Put a bandaid over it, it'll be fine. But the truth of the matter is, you can put as many bandaids as you want over a broken leg, but it's still going to be broken until you go in there and properly fix it. That's how it is with boys. They upset me, they say they're sorry to me, and I take it. But they don't mean that sorry. Hell, they probably don't even know what they're apologizing for.
But how is that sorry going to work then? If you don't understand that you hurt me; or feel even just a little remorse that you did; or even just a little hope that I'm going to be okay. Explain to me why I should accept any empty sorry that doesn't even fill one of those requirements. Is it because I'm the girl and you're the boy, and therefore any upset I have is just me being "over-emotional" or "pms-y"? That I should just "get over it" and "stop taking things so personally"?
I've always been "one of the guys." I'm emotionally stoic and I think crying's for pussies. I've had guys call me stupid, bitchy, ugly, etc. It's that new fad of "mean joking" they're all so into. And I take it. I take it and brush it off. I take it as if every time one of them calls me stupid, it doesn't make me doubt my success in school or college; I take it as if every time one of them calls me bitchy, it doesn't make me try and change who I am and how I act; I take it as if every time one of them calls me ugly, it doesn't make me spend that extra few minutes in front of the mirror, picking at my every flaw and wishing desperately I didn't look the way I do. No, I would never do that, right? Because I'm emotionless. I don't have feelings. Therefore, you can't hurt them, right? And then there's the never-ending paradox of it all: I can't even tell you that you hurt my feelings because I don't get taken seriously; I must be joking around. And even if I'm not, who cares right? It's not like a meaningless, quick "sorry" won't fix it, right? Right. Because I'll take those sorries. I always do. I'll take them as if it's all just water under the bridge. And then when I'm sitting in my bed late at night, crying myself to sleep because you and half of the other guys I know and actually care about don't give a fuck about me, I'll have those sorries-- those empty sorries-- to comfort myself with, right?
Right.

Day 05

Favorite Duet~

I Dreamed A Dream- Rachel and Idina Menzel
Two of my idols singing together. What could be better?

Doubts

Sometimes I feel like I need something. Something to hold on to. Something to explain everything with one quick, simple answer. I look at all my overtly religious friends and I feel like they're very comfortable with the life they're living and where they're going. They've got their explanation for why they're continuing down the path they're on, why the world works the way it does, why they're even here in the first place. It's "God's plan." Everything that happens to them is all a part of "God's plan." Things may look dismal and unfortunate happenings may occur, but it's ok. You can get through it. Because it's "God's plan." I don't have that comfort, and of course I'm not complaining about that because it's through choice of my own. But sometimes I wish I did, you know? Sometimes I wish that I could just look at the downward turns of life and not let them bother me, because I know that it's all for a greater good. I try very hard to be optimistic, but it's difficult when you don't believe your misfortunes are part of "God's plan." It's difficult when you think your misfortunes are from faults of your own, or simply the universe just fucking with you.
I wish I could sit comfortably in the safety zone of religion and wholeheartedly say "I believe." I truly and honestly do. But I can't. I, unfortunately, was not born with the ability to "just believe." I wish I was. Things would be much simpler if I didn't have to think or question. I found myself standing outside on this dark, rainy night, looking into the sky as the rain fell down to the Earth; and the part of me that wants to believe said "There has to be something. There just has to." But then my logic and conscience kicked in and I remember that there can't be. It's just not logical.
But I suppose that's what religion is; or what it was meant to be before human greed took over. An abandoning of logic for what you believe in your soul just has to be, proof or no proof.
Sometimes I feel like life would be easier if I possessed that ability. To not be a questioner, but a listener, and just one of the masses. But then I suppose I wouldn't really be anybody. And I guess I'd rather spend my days wondering who I am then just knowing I'm not really anyone.

Day 04

Favorite solo~

Rachel- Taking Chances.
I wish I could sing like that.

Day 03

Favorite group performance~

Bad Romance is the one that's sticking out in my mind the most, as of right now.

Day 02

Favorite male character~

I want to sing a duet with him. And then go shopping afterward.

Day 01

Favorite female character~

Is this a serious question?She's my #1 role model for singing. Along with Idina Menzel, of course.

Glee 30 Day Challenge

This has got my name written all over it.

Glee 30-Day Challenge

Day 01 - Your favorite female character
Day 02 - Your favorite male character
Day 03 - Your favorite group performance
Day 04 - Your favorite solo
Day 05 - Your favorite duet
Day 06 - Your favorite Rachel/Finn moment
Day 07 - Your favorite Tina/Artie moment
Day 08 - Your favorite Quinn/Puck moment
Day 09 - Your favorite Kurt/Mercedes moment
Day 10 - Your favorite Will/Emma moment
Day 11 - Your favorite Sue Sylvester moment
Day 12 - A scene/moment that pissed you off
Day 13 - A scene/moment that made you cry
Day 14 - A scene/moment that made you happy
Day 15 - The couple you ship the MOST
Day 16 - Your favorite episode
Day 17 - Your least favorite episode
Day 18 - Your least favorite character
Day 19 - Your least favorite performance
Day 20 - Your favorite quote
Day 21 - Your favorite guest-star
Day 22 - Your least favorite guest-star
Day 23 - The character you most relate to
Day 24 - The character you would like to hear/see more of
Day 25 - Something that happened you wish hadn’t
Day 26 - Something that hadn’t happened but you wish had
Day 27 - Your idea for a future Glee episode
Day 28 - Your idea for a future Glee character
Day 29 - Your idea for a future Glee performance
Day 30 - Whatever tickles your fancy

REALLY GREEN?!

REALLY? YOU SERIOUS RIGHT NOW?
We would have won. We SHOULD have one. But no. We tied. Because SOMEBODY couldn't keep his FUCKING HANDS on the FUCKING BALL which is your FUCKING JOB because you're THE MOTHERFUCKING GOALIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Goddamn.

E.N.G.L.A.N.D.

Today.
1:30 ET.
ABC.
FIFA World Cup.
England vs. USA.

I think we all know who's got this.Because Americans just aren't made to play football.

More "Your Confessions"

My confession made it on the post-board thingy :)vvv
2711.) The one reason above all others that I love the Backstreet Boys so much is that even when all these other guys are jerks to me, the Backstreet Boys will always love me and never break my heart. Their music says so. :)

Now some that are not mine:

2777.) I want nothing more then to be with you. I wish I could talk to you like Id talk to anyone else. I wish it wouldnt be weird or awkward like it is. I wish it would all fall into place how it does in my mind, but I know thats never going to happen. Everyone says that you like me, but I have a hard time believing it. Please, just give me even the smallest sign.

2766.) I lie to myself saying I’m over you. I’m trying to make myself hate you, but I don’t think I’m strong enough yet.
(this oneeeee is pretty much the story of my life.)

2752.) I feel alone.

2761.) I’m afraid to graduate from college because it’s my safety net. I’m poor because I’m in college. I’m not dating because of school. I don’t have my dream job because I’m still in school. What happens after I graduate? I’m just a poor college grad trying to find a job so I can pay off all these fucking loans. Egh life. Make it stop.

2736.) I really hate you sometimes.

2722.) I want to tell you so badly how I feel. I’m just so terrified of the rejection I know I’m going to get.

2719.) You’re not worth the scars, effort, or time. One day I’ll be strong enough to believe this.

I think I post these because I'm too scared to say any of it myself; because I'm hoping that some day, the person who these are all aimed towards will read my blog, realize these are about him, and get the message. That way I won't have to ever actually do it and deal with the face-to-face consequences.
That, and it's also comforting that I'm not the only person in the world who feels this way.

3OH!3/Cobra Starship Concert

Okay, whoever the idiot was who told me that 3OH!3 wasn't any good live was obviously on some serious downers or something.
They. Were. AMAZING.
I've never been to such an upbeat, high-energy, CRAZY concert in my life. They did not stand still for a second (hence why nearly all my pictures of them are blurry) and they never tired out until they were completely done. Their vocals surprised me, too. Since the songs are so weird, I didn't really expect them to sound as good as they do on the records, but they really did. I'm very impressed and have reconfirmed why 3OH!3 is my favorite current music group.
Cobra Starship was pretty awesome, too. I'm not really a huge fan, I know like 3 songs, but nonetheless, they sounded great and their presentation was awesome.

Cobra Starship^^
3OH!3^^

Overall, in the past 2 weeks, I've finished my Junior year, seen my favorite band of over 10 years (BSB), and seen my favorite band of today's music (3OH!3).
Really, this summer could not get much better, as of now.

Escape

It's pretty sad when you find yourself sitting in your room, music blaring in your ears, arm thrown over your face to black out your vision, in some vain attempt to escape from the reality around you. On a daily basis. Every aspect of my household sickens me. I hate my room. My living room. My front yard. My back yard. My kitchen. I hate that my parents are always standing in the kitchen in the same stance, eating the same snacks, cooking the same dinner, talking about the same thing, asking me to do the same chores. My sister's watching the same shows, making the same stupid remarks, playing with the same toys she always plays with. Nothing's different ever. We're all stuck in this monotonous routine that everyone else seems to be fine with and that I'm supposed to accept as my life and future. And when I don't, I'm a problem.
My parents have this idea for me. They want me to stay home and go to FAU for a few years, and then switch to another college, like FSU or something. My dad's convinced that it'll be great and I'll have freedom and everything...what a joke that is. You're telling me that when I don't come home for days and, when I do, it's at 4am, you won't be upset or try to tell me how to live my life? Because that's what I'm going to do if you try and keep me here. I'm going to lose it and rebel in ways you didn't think I was capable of, just so you'll be forced to get rid of me.
I want to go to Ohio State. I have since I was 10. My parents don't. Every time I mention it, they talk about how it's difficult to get in, or how we don't have enough money, or avoid the subject altogether. They've never been the overly supportive type, and they never will be, but I had hoped, even if just a little, that they'd support me with this. I've kind of accustomed myself to not needing their approval or support, but it would be nice to have it now. College is scary. I sure as hell don't know what I'm doing or how I'm going to get there. I don't think I should have to handle this alone.
My friend Lily's mom is prepared to pack up and move to wherever she wants to go to college. My friend Jessica's parents took her on college visits all out of state. My parents won't even tell me they think I can get in. Or that they'll help me get loans. Or that they think it'd be great if I went to Ohio State. I even doubt they'd say more than a "good job" if I did manage to find my way there, all by myself.
Explain to me how that makes sense.

Summer goals

1. Get my cartilage pierced, finally.
2. Visit Ohio State.
3. Get a job.
4. Get my license.
5. Become obscenely tan.
6. Meet someone who makes an impact.
7. Do something totally out of character.
8. Not procrastinate on the summer AP Lit assignments.
9. Be happy 24/7.
10. Make memories that will translate into great stories.
    

A Bittersweet Symphony

Tomorrow is the last day of my Junior year. After that bell rings at 12:30, I'm officially a Senior and only have one year of high school left.
Wow.
Tomorrow's such a bittersweet day, because while there are some great things ending, some things I desperately needed to end, and some new things just beginning, it still doesn't change the fact that my Junior year is coming to a close tomorrow.
There are lots of things about it I don't want to end, like the general things such as still having time before being forced to think about college, still having time to improve grades and ace exams. Then there are more specific things, two mainly that are upsetting me. The first is that I'll no longer have Ms. Garofalo as my AP English teacher. She truly was one of the most amazing teachers I've ever had, and I learned so much and had so much fun in her class. But that's not too bad, because I can still visit her next year. The person I can't visit is Mr. Williams, my 10th grade AP World teacher. From the very beginning of his class until now, Williams has always been exceedingly gracious and kind to me. He actually managed to teach me history, which is a huge feat considering my loathing for that subject. He was always that one fun teacher who felt more like your friend than your elder (not that he is much older, of course.). It's without hesitation that I can say that he was and is now my favorite teacher, and it's going to be really sad to come back next year and know he's not there in his room for me to randomly barge into. Ah well, see you in Ohio, Williams, and we'll always love you. :)

Then there are things I absolutely want to end, like the work load, the AP US HISTORY, the early wake up times. But really when I look at it, as much as I say I hate school and want to be done with it, I really do love it. So many great memories and even more great people have come into my life from high school, and where would I be without that?

So really, I think I'm going to think twice before complaining about wanting school to end. Because between all the complaining and countdowns and dreading the next day, the school days escape you, and you find yourself feeling nostalgic, missing all the great memories, with only one more year to go.