Why...

...is it so hard for guys to be nice? Or sympathetic? Or empathetic, for that matter. When you're upset with a guy, he says he's sorry. He doesn't know why or what for, he just knows he's supposed to be sorry. Does that sorry even heal the wound or mend the hurt feelings? Maybe I'm the only one, but I usually take those sorries and act like that fixed everything. That's how I deal with my emotions, really. Especially with guys. Put a bandaid over it, it'll be fine. But the truth of the matter is, you can put as many bandaids as you want over a broken leg, but it's still going to be broken until you go in there and properly fix it. That's how it is with boys. They upset me, they say they're sorry to me, and I take it. But they don't mean that sorry. Hell, they probably don't even know what they're apologizing for.
But how is that sorry going to work then? If you don't understand that you hurt me; or feel even just a little remorse that you did; or even just a little hope that I'm going to be okay. Explain to me why I should accept any empty sorry that doesn't even fill one of those requirements. Is it because I'm the girl and you're the boy, and therefore any upset I have is just me being "over-emotional" or "pms-y"? That I should just "get over it" and "stop taking things so personally"?
I've always been "one of the guys." I'm emotionally stoic and I think crying's for pussies. I've had guys call me stupid, bitchy, ugly, etc. It's that new fad of "mean joking" they're all so into. And I take it. I take it and brush it off. I take it as if every time one of them calls me stupid, it doesn't make me doubt my success in school or college; I take it as if every time one of them calls me bitchy, it doesn't make me try and change who I am and how I act; I take it as if every time one of them calls me ugly, it doesn't make me spend that extra few minutes in front of the mirror, picking at my every flaw and wishing desperately I didn't look the way I do. No, I would never do that, right? Because I'm emotionless. I don't have feelings. Therefore, you can't hurt them, right? And then there's the never-ending paradox of it all: I can't even tell you that you hurt my feelings because I don't get taken seriously; I must be joking around. And even if I'm not, who cares right? It's not like a meaningless, quick "sorry" won't fix it, right? Right. Because I'll take those sorries. I always do. I'll take them as if it's all just water under the bridge. And then when I'm sitting in my bed late at night, crying myself to sleep because you and half of the other guys I know and actually care about don't give a fuck about me, I'll have those sorries-- those empty sorries-- to comfort myself with, right?
Right.