i finally figured it out

as i'm becoming a junior this year, the pressure is on to figure out exactly what it is you're going to do with the rest of your life. where do you want to go to college? what are you going to be? basically, what is your ambition?
i've gone through many career choices and ideal lifestyles in my lifetime, ranging from being a doctor or lawyer in new york, or being a biochemist down here in florida or in the bahamas. i've wanted to go to the biggest colleges, harvard, princeton, stanford, all those ivy league schools. i convinced myself that being huge and successful and important with all the top names under my belt would make me satisfied, make me feel like i was living my life with a purpose. but after a while, i started realizing i didn't want any of that, much less the fact i had absolutely no idea what i actually did want. i honestly found myself considering if i even wanted to go to college at all. for the longest time now i've been so confused and scared about the future, not because i'd be moving on, but because i had NO idea what the hell i was going to move on to. everyone i know seemed to have a firm grasp on where they were going with their lives, and i was just this confused purposeless little girl.
but i think i've finally figured it out, and it took two very random events which you would never expect to be life changing. well, in my case, they were.
the first happened about a week or so ago. my mom had found a book i wrote when i was about 8 or 9. in this book, i wrote "all about me", so out of curiosity (and given my situation of not knowing what im going to do with my life) i read the "what i want to be when i grow up" page. on this page, i talked about how i want to be a writer because i love to make books and create stories. this made me think; i've always been good at writing, and over the years i've gotten even better. i'm pretty decent and creating fiction stories (but i have to say, lily takes the cake there) but what i'm best at is conveying my thoughts and opinions down on paper. i can speak my mind decently well, but when it comes to the written word, everything just flows so much better. apparently i've been like that since i was little, so this showed me i've always consistantly loved writing, unlike the other career choices i've been interested in, which usually fade in a few months.
the next event, which really kicked me over the edge, was one of those facebook "pick 5" things. it was called "your dream future." you had to pick 1 job, 1 city, 1 car, 1 husband, and 1 pet. i picked the things that i just loved, not that would necessarily make a successful future. i ended up picking a writer, los angeles, a volkswagen bus, daniel radcliffe, and a golden retriever. after looking at these selections, it hit me: this was my future! (not the daniel radcliffe part of course, but the rest of it paved the way to my final conclusion)
i had been kidding myself with the hot shot lawyer and the successful doctor from harvard. that's SO not me. i'm the most relaxed person ever, and i just want to have fun and live a chill life. i don't want to be responsible for someone living or getting sent to prison. i want to do something that people can enjoy, but most of all, that i can enjoy doing.

so here it is! my final general idea of my future :)

I'll go to any good college that will accept me and give me financial aid. it doesnt have to be a huge college with the greek life and parties everyone imagines, because that's not going to matter to me. i want to learn. after i graduate with a degree in journalism, i'm going to raise up the money to move to L.A., where i'll buy a cute little townhouse near the beach, so i can take my golden retriever Tucker for frequent runs. I'll live by myself (i'm not doing that 'move in with my boyfriend' shit. i'm living my OWN life) and work as a journalist for a newspaper, while working on my novel that i plan on getting published soon. Lily will fly in and stay in my spare bedroom during the sunny summers in L.A., and I'll fly to her and stay with her during the chilly winters in London. There's a possibility I'll meet a guy, but it won't be my main priority. I want to travel the world and have fun. Only when the absolute perfect guy comes along will I settle.

And you know what? I'll be happy with that. I may not have the most money or be the most successful person in the world, but I'll be happy, and i know i'll reach complete and total happiness when I drive off into the california sunset in my pale green volkswagen bus, with Tucker in the passenger seat, barking happily at my side.