write it, don't say it

have you ever had one of those moments where you mean to say one thing, yet it comes out completely different? maybe the words you used aren't as intelligent as how you thought them in your head; maybe your grammar isn't as perfect as it is in your thoughts; or maybe you do the classic thinking about saying "great" then halfway changing it to "cool" so it sounds like you're saying "gruel"?
it's simple thoughts-to-words mess-ups. everybody has them now and again, right?

yeah, try every day of my LIFE!

i don't mean to be conceited, but i think i'm pretty damn smart. smarter than most kids my age. yet, it seems to me, a lot of people don't see me that way. of course, being blonde doesn't help much. i mean, think about it. if you saw a blonde, decently attractive girl laughing and giggling with all her friends, would you automatically stereotype her as the smart one? of course not, no one would.
so naturally, i want to prove people wrong. i want to show them i'm not the ditzy girl i'm percieved to be. so how would any normal person do this? by talking of course! express your thoughts and opinions!

aaaaaand cue my downfall.

where there is a blessing, there is a curse, and that's the exact case with me. i've been granted the greatness of having a truly intelligent mind, and i'm not going to sugarcoat it so i don't seem conceited. i'm smart, and i'm not ashamed to say it. the way things sound in my head and the way i transfer them to paper prove this, and i'm truly lucky to be able to do that.
but you don't think i've forgotten about the "curse" part of this deal, do you?
let me put it blatantly.
I. CAN'T. TALK.
i mean, of course, i can TALK, i'm an educated human being and am capable of such an elementary skill, but what i mean is i can't talk as eloquently as i think. the thoughts and opinions worthy of college level professors are brewing away in my mind, yet when they emerge, they sound like those of a simple teenage cheerleader who's confused by words that are two syllables or more.
yeah, it's that bad.
all my friends tell me i don't sound dumb, that i sound much smarter than the average person our age, but trust me, if they could hear how things sound in my head, they'd be able to tell the difference. that's why i love to write so much, because everything i think in my head comes out exactly as it is when i type on the computer or scribble away on paper.
but overall, i've been able to deal with it. i still sound as smart as or smarter than most of my friends, so what's the problem, right?

yeah, WRONG.

picture this scene:
you're really into this guy, but he's not just your average 11th grade guy. he's intelligent beyond his years, speaks with such eloquence, thinks as deep as philosophers, has controversial ideals that you completely agree with, and basically has discussions about the most in-depth things ever.
man, just thinking about it has made my writing drop a level.
so you've talked to him online, and it's gone great, because like i said, you're writing is better than your speaking. so one day, you work up the courage to talk to him in class.
he mentions something in a classroom discussion...
you agree with it completely...
you open your mouth to compliment him...
and you say...
"that was, like, a really, like, awesome point or you just said before...about that thing. *cue obnoxious nervous laughter*"

yeaaaaah, i need to practice my nerves and speaking skills around him more before i plunge back down that road of humiliation.

that, or bury my head in the sand and stay there for eternity. whichever comes first.