Day 11

A scene/moment that pissed you off~


Any and all scenes with Terri in them. I hated her so much.

Self-Restraint.

I don't think you understand how much self-restraint I have to have. When I talk to you most of the time it's okay and I don't think about it. There are times now and then when I get reminded, but most of the time I can handle it. But it's when I see you. When I see you, there's no avoiding it. I need to watch myself to make sure I don't smile at you for too long, or say anything suggestive that sounds too serious. Every second of every minute I see you my mind is running with the same thought over and over again. And it takes a lot of self-restraint to counteract that thought.
The truth is, I love everything about you. Your whole appearance, your personality, your intelligence, your sense of humor. We're the same in every way, we always get along. You're the one guy I've liked that I haven't been able to find something wrong with. But I guess there's stuff wrong with me. I mean, I know there is, but I guess it's stuff that you are incapable of looking past. Because while you're my perfect guy, I'm not your perfect girl.
And not gonna lie, that kinda sucks.

Day 11

Favorite Sue Sylvester Moment~

"I'm going to go inform the state of Ohio that I will no longer be carrying photo ID. Why? Because people should know who I am."

Day 10

Favorite Emma/Will Moment~

In the first season, when they were in that classroom late at night when Will was doing part time as a Janitor, and Will put that little dot of chalk dust on Emma's nose and then wiped it off ever-so-lightly with the back of his hand.
ADORABLE.

Day 09

Favorite Kurt/Mercedes Moment~

Definitely the 4 Minutes performance in the Madonna episode.

Day 08

Favorite Quinn/Puck Moment~


After Quinn gave birth, and the both of them are standing and looking down at their baby, Quinn asks Puck, "Did you love me?"
and he replies, "Yeah, especially now."
:) <3

Day 07

Favorite Tina/Artie Moment~


That moment in the Madonna episode when Tina went all women-power on Artie's ass, and then he apologized later for trying to turn her into something she's not. :)

Day 06

Favorite Rachel/Finn Moment~

Right before they were about to go on in the last episode, Finn just walks over to her, and before she can say anything he just goes, "I love you."
And then nothing else was said.
I teared up with happiness.

Why...

...is it so hard for guys to be nice? Or sympathetic? Or empathetic, for that matter. When you're upset with a guy, he says he's sorry. He doesn't know why or what for, he just knows he's supposed to be sorry. Does that sorry even heal the wound or mend the hurt feelings? Maybe I'm the only one, but I usually take those sorries and act like that fixed everything. That's how I deal with my emotions, really. Especially with guys. Put a bandaid over it, it'll be fine. But the truth of the matter is, you can put as many bandaids as you want over a broken leg, but it's still going to be broken until you go in there and properly fix it. That's how it is with boys. They upset me, they say they're sorry to me, and I take it. But they don't mean that sorry. Hell, they probably don't even know what they're apologizing for.
But how is that sorry going to work then? If you don't understand that you hurt me; or feel even just a little remorse that you did; or even just a little hope that I'm going to be okay. Explain to me why I should accept any empty sorry that doesn't even fill one of those requirements. Is it because I'm the girl and you're the boy, and therefore any upset I have is just me being "over-emotional" or "pms-y"? That I should just "get over it" and "stop taking things so personally"?
I've always been "one of the guys." I'm emotionally stoic and I think crying's for pussies. I've had guys call me stupid, bitchy, ugly, etc. It's that new fad of "mean joking" they're all so into. And I take it. I take it and brush it off. I take it as if every time one of them calls me stupid, it doesn't make me doubt my success in school or college; I take it as if every time one of them calls me bitchy, it doesn't make me try and change who I am and how I act; I take it as if every time one of them calls me ugly, it doesn't make me spend that extra few minutes in front of the mirror, picking at my every flaw and wishing desperately I didn't look the way I do. No, I would never do that, right? Because I'm emotionless. I don't have feelings. Therefore, you can't hurt them, right? And then there's the never-ending paradox of it all: I can't even tell you that you hurt my feelings because I don't get taken seriously; I must be joking around. And even if I'm not, who cares right? It's not like a meaningless, quick "sorry" won't fix it, right? Right. Because I'll take those sorries. I always do. I'll take them as if it's all just water under the bridge. And then when I'm sitting in my bed late at night, crying myself to sleep because you and half of the other guys I know and actually care about don't give a fuck about me, I'll have those sorries-- those empty sorries-- to comfort myself with, right?
Right.

Day 05

Favorite Duet~

I Dreamed A Dream- Rachel and Idina Menzel
Two of my idols singing together. What could be better?

Doubts

Sometimes I feel like I need something. Something to hold on to. Something to explain everything with one quick, simple answer. I look at all my overtly religious friends and I feel like they're very comfortable with the life they're living and where they're going. They've got their explanation for why they're continuing down the path they're on, why the world works the way it does, why they're even here in the first place. It's "God's plan." Everything that happens to them is all a part of "God's plan." Things may look dismal and unfortunate happenings may occur, but it's ok. You can get through it. Because it's "God's plan." I don't have that comfort, and of course I'm not complaining about that because it's through choice of my own. But sometimes I wish I did, you know? Sometimes I wish that I could just look at the downward turns of life and not let them bother me, because I know that it's all for a greater good. I try very hard to be optimistic, but it's difficult when you don't believe your misfortunes are part of "God's plan." It's difficult when you think your misfortunes are from faults of your own, or simply the universe just fucking with you.
I wish I could sit comfortably in the safety zone of religion and wholeheartedly say "I believe." I truly and honestly do. But I can't. I, unfortunately, was not born with the ability to "just believe." I wish I was. Things would be much simpler if I didn't have to think or question. I found myself standing outside on this dark, rainy night, looking into the sky as the rain fell down to the Earth; and the part of me that wants to believe said "There has to be something. There just has to." But then my logic and conscience kicked in and I remember that there can't be. It's just not logical.
But I suppose that's what religion is; or what it was meant to be before human greed took over. An abandoning of logic for what you believe in your soul just has to be, proof or no proof.
Sometimes I feel like life would be easier if I possessed that ability. To not be a questioner, but a listener, and just one of the masses. But then I suppose I wouldn't really be anybody. And I guess I'd rather spend my days wondering who I am then just knowing I'm not really anyone.

Day 04

Favorite solo~

Rachel- Taking Chances.
I wish I could sing like that.

Day 03

Favorite group performance~

Bad Romance is the one that's sticking out in my mind the most, as of right now.

Day 02

Favorite male character~

I want to sing a duet with him. And then go shopping afterward.

Day 01

Favorite female character~

Is this a serious question?She's my #1 role model for singing. Along with Idina Menzel, of course.

Glee 30 Day Challenge

This has got my name written all over it.

Glee 30-Day Challenge

Day 01 - Your favorite female character
Day 02 - Your favorite male character
Day 03 - Your favorite group performance
Day 04 - Your favorite solo
Day 05 - Your favorite duet
Day 06 - Your favorite Rachel/Finn moment
Day 07 - Your favorite Tina/Artie moment
Day 08 - Your favorite Quinn/Puck moment
Day 09 - Your favorite Kurt/Mercedes moment
Day 10 - Your favorite Will/Emma moment
Day 11 - Your favorite Sue Sylvester moment
Day 12 - A scene/moment that pissed you off
Day 13 - A scene/moment that made you cry
Day 14 - A scene/moment that made you happy
Day 15 - The couple you ship the MOST
Day 16 - Your favorite episode
Day 17 - Your least favorite episode
Day 18 - Your least favorite character
Day 19 - Your least favorite performance
Day 20 - Your favorite quote
Day 21 - Your favorite guest-star
Day 22 - Your least favorite guest-star
Day 23 - The character you most relate to
Day 24 - The character you would like to hear/see more of
Day 25 - Something that happened you wish hadn’t
Day 26 - Something that hadn’t happened but you wish had
Day 27 - Your idea for a future Glee episode
Day 28 - Your idea for a future Glee character
Day 29 - Your idea for a future Glee performance
Day 30 - Whatever tickles your fancy

REALLY GREEN?!

REALLY? YOU SERIOUS RIGHT NOW?
We would have won. We SHOULD have one. But no. We tied. Because SOMEBODY couldn't keep his FUCKING HANDS on the FUCKING BALL which is your FUCKING JOB because you're THE MOTHERFUCKING GOALIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Goddamn.

E.N.G.L.A.N.D.

Today.
1:30 ET.
ABC.
FIFA World Cup.
England vs. USA.

I think we all know who's got this.Because Americans just aren't made to play football.

More "Your Confessions"

My confession made it on the post-board thingy :)vvv
2711.) The one reason above all others that I love the Backstreet Boys so much is that even when all these other guys are jerks to me, the Backstreet Boys will always love me and never break my heart. Their music says so. :)

Now some that are not mine:

2777.) I want nothing more then to be with you. I wish I could talk to you like Id talk to anyone else. I wish it wouldnt be weird or awkward like it is. I wish it would all fall into place how it does in my mind, but I know thats never going to happen. Everyone says that you like me, but I have a hard time believing it. Please, just give me even the smallest sign.

2766.) I lie to myself saying I’m over you. I’m trying to make myself hate you, but I don’t think I’m strong enough yet.
(this oneeeee is pretty much the story of my life.)

2752.) I feel alone.

2761.) I’m afraid to graduate from college because it’s my safety net. I’m poor because I’m in college. I’m not dating because of school. I don’t have my dream job because I’m still in school. What happens after I graduate? I’m just a poor college grad trying to find a job so I can pay off all these fucking loans. Egh life. Make it stop.

2736.) I really hate you sometimes.

2722.) I want to tell you so badly how I feel. I’m just so terrified of the rejection I know I’m going to get.

2719.) You’re not worth the scars, effort, or time. One day I’ll be strong enough to believe this.

I think I post these because I'm too scared to say any of it myself; because I'm hoping that some day, the person who these are all aimed towards will read my blog, realize these are about him, and get the message. That way I won't have to ever actually do it and deal with the face-to-face consequences.
That, and it's also comforting that I'm not the only person in the world who feels this way.

3OH!3/Cobra Starship Concert

Okay, whoever the idiot was who told me that 3OH!3 wasn't any good live was obviously on some serious downers or something.
They. Were. AMAZING.
I've never been to such an upbeat, high-energy, CRAZY concert in my life. They did not stand still for a second (hence why nearly all my pictures of them are blurry) and they never tired out until they were completely done. Their vocals surprised me, too. Since the songs are so weird, I didn't really expect them to sound as good as they do on the records, but they really did. I'm very impressed and have reconfirmed why 3OH!3 is my favorite current music group.
Cobra Starship was pretty awesome, too. I'm not really a huge fan, I know like 3 songs, but nonetheless, they sounded great and their presentation was awesome.

Cobra Starship^^
3OH!3^^

Overall, in the past 2 weeks, I've finished my Junior year, seen my favorite band of over 10 years (BSB), and seen my favorite band of today's music (3OH!3).
Really, this summer could not get much better, as of now.

Escape

It's pretty sad when you find yourself sitting in your room, music blaring in your ears, arm thrown over your face to black out your vision, in some vain attempt to escape from the reality around you. On a daily basis. Every aspect of my household sickens me. I hate my room. My living room. My front yard. My back yard. My kitchen. I hate that my parents are always standing in the kitchen in the same stance, eating the same snacks, cooking the same dinner, talking about the same thing, asking me to do the same chores. My sister's watching the same shows, making the same stupid remarks, playing with the same toys she always plays with. Nothing's different ever. We're all stuck in this monotonous routine that everyone else seems to be fine with and that I'm supposed to accept as my life and future. And when I don't, I'm a problem.
My parents have this idea for me. They want me to stay home and go to FAU for a few years, and then switch to another college, like FSU or something. My dad's convinced that it'll be great and I'll have freedom and everything...what a joke that is. You're telling me that when I don't come home for days and, when I do, it's at 4am, you won't be upset or try to tell me how to live my life? Because that's what I'm going to do if you try and keep me here. I'm going to lose it and rebel in ways you didn't think I was capable of, just so you'll be forced to get rid of me.
I want to go to Ohio State. I have since I was 10. My parents don't. Every time I mention it, they talk about how it's difficult to get in, or how we don't have enough money, or avoid the subject altogether. They've never been the overly supportive type, and they never will be, but I had hoped, even if just a little, that they'd support me with this. I've kind of accustomed myself to not needing their approval or support, but it would be nice to have it now. College is scary. I sure as hell don't know what I'm doing or how I'm going to get there. I don't think I should have to handle this alone.
My friend Lily's mom is prepared to pack up and move to wherever she wants to go to college. My friend Jessica's parents took her on college visits all out of state. My parents won't even tell me they think I can get in. Or that they'll help me get loans. Or that they think it'd be great if I went to Ohio State. I even doubt they'd say more than a "good job" if I did manage to find my way there, all by myself.
Explain to me how that makes sense.

Summer goals

1. Get my cartilage pierced, finally.
2. Visit Ohio State.
3. Get a job.
4. Get my license.
5. Become obscenely tan.
6. Meet someone who makes an impact.
7. Do something totally out of character.
8. Not procrastinate on the summer AP Lit assignments.
9. Be happy 24/7.
10. Make memories that will translate into great stories.
    

A Bittersweet Symphony

Tomorrow is the last day of my Junior year. After that bell rings at 12:30, I'm officially a Senior and only have one year of high school left.
Wow.
Tomorrow's such a bittersweet day, because while there are some great things ending, some things I desperately needed to end, and some new things just beginning, it still doesn't change the fact that my Junior year is coming to a close tomorrow.
There are lots of things about it I don't want to end, like the general things such as still having time before being forced to think about college, still having time to improve grades and ace exams. Then there are more specific things, two mainly that are upsetting me. The first is that I'll no longer have Ms. Garofalo as my AP English teacher. She truly was one of the most amazing teachers I've ever had, and I learned so much and had so much fun in her class. But that's not too bad, because I can still visit her next year. The person I can't visit is Mr. Williams, my 10th grade AP World teacher. From the very beginning of his class until now, Williams has always been exceedingly gracious and kind to me. He actually managed to teach me history, which is a huge feat considering my loathing for that subject. He was always that one fun teacher who felt more like your friend than your elder (not that he is much older, of course.). It's without hesitation that I can say that he was and is now my favorite teacher, and it's going to be really sad to come back next year and know he's not there in his room for me to randomly barge into. Ah well, see you in Ohio, Williams, and we'll always love you. :)

Then there are things I absolutely want to end, like the work load, the AP US HISTORY, the early wake up times. But really when I look at it, as much as I say I hate school and want to be done with it, I really do love it. So many great memories and even more great people have come into my life from high school, and where would I be without that?

So really, I think I'm going to think twice before complaining about wanting school to end. Because between all the complaining and countdowns and dreading the next day, the school days escape you, and you find yourself feeling nostalgic, missing all the great memories, with only one more year to go.

The night that permanently altered my life forever.

After sitting for an hour through a terrible opening act and agonizing minutes after minutes of waiting, the lights dimmed. The screen on the stage turned on to a video of 4 guys walking through a street alleyway. The crowd was roaring and shrieking as the camera angles individually showed each group member, each girl screaming louder for her favorite. Finally when the tension was so high you could not possibly have risen it any further without causing an absolute riot, the 4 members on the screen came running towards it in the video, and the second they reached the edge of the screen, it happened. Through the very screen, leaping through and landing with such a confidence that could only come from 17 years performing, were the 4 guys I had idolized since I had been 6 years old. One of the very members being a man I had dreamed about and stared at posters of and screamed like I was in a cheap horror film at the mere thought of. Their music had literally siphoned me through my childhood. And there they were, right there! Standing on a stage in front of me, granting the wishes of all my musical dreams since my toddler years.

The Backstreet Boys.

Now, I'm not an emotional person, but certain things get me. And seeing the band live that I have obsessed over and longed for for 10 years is one of them. I sprang out of my seat, I screamed 'til my throat was raw, the tears were flowing from my eyes as if a dam had sprung a leak. It wasn't registering in my brain. THEY WERE RIGHT THERE. Performing. For me to see. This had to have been a dream. It couldn't really be happening, my life wasn't that spectacular.

Oh but it was. This became my realization as they performed hit after hit that I knew every word to. The lights were flashing and moving around so much, I'm surprised I didn't have a seizure. I could literally feel my seat vibrating from the sound. My rushes of tears were re-started time after time during songs like "Shape of My Heart," "I'll Never Break Your Heart," "Incomplete," "As Long As You Love Me," etc. They sounded as amazing as they always had on the CDs. They danced as brilliantly as they did years ago in concerts I had on video because I wasn't permitted to go to them myself. And NO, they were not lip-syncing. They never did and never will. They are truly one of the most talented groups of this millennium. And my obsession-inspired love was reignited all over again to its full potential as I watched the amazing men perform as well as I had only imagined in my dreams.

Unfortunately, this awe-inspiring, surreal night had to come to an end. But it ended with the pictures, the concert shirts, and the memories that will last me a lifetime. Sure, they weren't selling out 15,000 people stadiums like they used to when I was in elementary school. And sure, I'll never get to go to a concert of that magnitude. But I got to see them. And when they performed, their vocals were 10 times as good, dance moves 10 times as creative, and passion for what they were doing 10 times as strong, and that's all that mattered to me. Because concerts like these are put on for the REAL fans. And I have been, am now, and will always be a real Backstreet Boys fan.

I got to see a band that I grew up with, idolized, and brought me to tears by their sheer presence.
How many people can say that?

Today...

was a mixture of hilarity and suckiness.

First I had my French final, which in and of itself wasn't that terrible of an entity, but that also meant that my French teacher, Miss Etienne, was leaving. She came here from France and now has to go back due to her exchange time being up. It's really upsetting because she was an awesome teacher, and I legitimately learned things from her. I now know that if I ever had to go survive in France for a day, I'm pretty sure I could do it.
If that's not enough for the sad departures, Mr. Williams, my sophomore AP World History teacher, without a doubt my favorite teacher ever, is leaving as well. He's moving back to Ohio. I'm really going to miss randomly popping into his classes or seeing him in the hallways. He was a great teacher and managed to get me to remember quite a deal of history, which is a huge feat if you knew how much I loath anything historical. Senior year will be so weird knowing he's not there. It's chill though because I'm going to get accepted to Ohio State University, so I'll see him again one day haha :)
Then there's my detestable excuse for a Chemistry teacher. Who the hell is she to deny me extra credit!? Just because I'm smarter than her and correct her mistakes in class doesn't mean I should get punished because of it. She's a teacher, she should just get smarter. Not my problem you can't do math, BITCH.
Finally, the good part of my day, was the intense "Ninja" session during AP US History. If you don't know what this game is, find out from someone and PLAY. It's addicting as crack. Not that I would know how addicting crack is or anything. Just making a generalized analogy.

So yeah, that was basically my day. I came home after to pass out for a few hours, wake up to my food, and now I'm sitting here, bored, as I usually am. Luckily, in exactly 23 hours and 36 minutes, I will be attending something revolutionary. An event that has been a monumental impact in the music world of pop for years. An event I've longed for since the minuscule age of 6 when I became utterly obsessed with this phenomenon. An event that will probably bring me to tears and cause me to lose my voice.

I'm going to a Backstreet Boys concert.

12 Confessions.

-I cry myself to sleep more often than not. Most of the time not for a specific reason, but just because I feel like I need to cry.
-I love someone, but I'm not in love.
- I'm really jealous of those two girls I hate because they have the attention of people I want.
-I fall for people easily because I feel like if I don't consider everyone, I'll end up alone.
-I make fun of the overly emotional lovey-dovey couples, but I really would love to have that.
-There's very little I actually like about myself.
-I hate to do singing competitions because I'm scared that I'm going to come across someone who's better than me.
-Singing gives me all the self-confidence I have.
-I would follow him to college. That makes me hate myself.
-I plan out every move I make and every thing I say out of fear of looking/sounding stupid.
-I'm obnoxiously materialistic and I secretly loath my parents for not bringing me into a wealthier household.
-I can be a pathological liar. I'm trying to break myself of it and I think I've gotten much better. I still give in every now and then, though.

I feel like if we could all make a habit of admitting things we don't want to, dealing with situations that make us uncomfortable or confused will be easier. Vulnerability isn't a weakness, it's a tool that can help further you in life and as a person.
It's taken me a while to figure that out.

Your Confessions from Tumblr

Because I don't have the courage to say any of these things myself.

1943.) people who don’t know me think im independant and strong. people who i let in know that i’m weak and overly sensitive. i let you in, biggest mistake of my life. you broke me. so FUCK you. have a happy life.

1940.) i dont know if im crazy but sometimes when im sad or lonely i just lie in bed and pretend your next to me and my head is on your chest

1931.) I know you don’t care at all, so please don’t act like you care for me, because it’s hurting me so much.

1932.) I dont feel whole anymore.

1909.) I believed you.

1905.) You’re my “what if”. And that drives me insane.

1895.) I would marry you in an instant if you ever asked.

1885.) Honestly? I have no fucking clue what you want from me anymore. I will love you forever, and you know that. What did I do wrong?

Things

Things that make me upset:
School isn't over yet.
I have way too much Chemistry work to make up.
I'm not in Disney.
Senior year isn't coming fast enough.
I still don't have a job and therefore still don't have my car.

Things that make me happy:
Tomorrow :)
I wrote my college essay for FSU and it's kind of amazing, in my opinion.
I've decided all the colleges I want to apply to.
I don't think I'll have any trouble getting accepted to any of them.
There's a possibility I may get to go to my dream college of Ohio State.
I'm going to have the best graduation gift with Lily in Disney next year.
I'm going to Disney for Lily's birthday this year.
I'm almost a Senior!
Summer in less than a week!
Things are starting to work out really well between me and a person I've had relationship issues with for a long time now.
I'm most likely going to get a job with American Apparel in the next month.
I'll have my car and license by the beginning of Senior year.
My grades are great.
Backstreet Boys concert this saturday night!
3OH!3 concert with Lily on June 8th.
There are more things on my happy list than on my unhappy list :)

Random.

I haven't posted on here in quite some time. I suppose it's because nothing interesting has really been happening to me. I've had an excessive amount of AP/AICE exams, obscene amounts of chemistry to catch up on, and really just a whole lot of lazing around and anticipating the end of the school year to be doing. It's not so much that I haven't wanted to post, it's just that nothing has ever hit me as important enough lately to motivate me to leave my bed/the couch.
Yes, I am that lazy.
But yeah, nothing even remotely exciting has happened to me. Well, I guess there is one thing, but I can't really discuss it here because 1) it requires too much detail to be explained in order for a lamens reader to understand why it's exciting for me and 2) the person it involves might read it. So I think I'll pass on divulging that little gem of mystery.
I really need a job, I suppose I could touch on that. Absolutely NO WHERE is hiring and it's really pissing me off. For me, a job = money = being able to pay for insurance = my parents FINALLY allowing me the privilege of that car that I've been repeatedly staring at for months. So hey, if you're reading this and know somewhere that's hiring...PLEASE HELP ME. I'M SO DESPERATE IT'S BECOMING PATHETIC. Kthanks.
I honestly have nothing else to say...which is surprising for me. Genuinely, I've done little to nothing even remotely exciting the past few weeks. I'm going to Disney tomorrow and I have an audition for some choral thing in the morning, but that's not anything new. I always go to Disney and I'll get accepted into the choral thing. Not to be conceited...but yeah actually, I do mean to be conceited, I'm kind of a fucking boss at singing.
But other than my huge fine arts ego, I have minimal life events to share with you. So I suppose I just wasted about 5 minutes of whoever it is that decided upon reading this to something that was completely pointless and inconsequential to anything in life.

My bad.

SEN11ORS

It feels so good wearing that senior shirt and crown, you have NO idea :)

Senior Crowning '11

She's with me even at Senior events. Because we're THAT good. (: <3

Can't wait to go through senior year with this girl<3

My epic-drawing-battle-between-class-meetings buddy haha:)


I don't know how I lived through AP Psych for the first semester without this kid.

I lurk Kristen way too much

But it's okay because this looked fun. Even though it took me a good 30 seconds to figure it out.
(And just for the record, she lurks me too <3)


I am:
Happy. Sad. A good friend. Adventurous. Shy. Confident. Procrastinating. Male. Bored. Anxious. Clumsy. Sociable. Always punctual. Selfish. Intelligent. Funny. Female. Sarcastic. Insecure. Sick. Beautiful. Articulate. Loud. Kind. Even tempered. Honest. Short. Tall. Medium height. Proud of myself. Loving. Witty. Down to earth. Outspoken. Determined. High maintenance. Pretty. Assertive. Organized. Selfless.


I have:
Brown hair. Brown Eyes. Blue Eyes. Curly hair. Long fingernails. Braces. Chipped nail polish. Long legs. Straight hair. A fringe. Long eyelashes. Sore feet. Freckles. Dark skin. Medium skin. Green eyes. Blonde hair. Dyed hair. Short legs. Red hair. Big boobs. Rosy cheeks. Wavy hair. Black hair. Small-ish waist. Tattoos. Piercings. Big ears. Short hair. Long hair.

I love:
Flowers. Kisses. Summer. Coffee. The rain. Candles. Incense. Late night talk shows. Insects. Hugs. Attention. The beach. Chocolate. Music. Beanies. Harry Potter. Twilight. Facebook. Black and white photos. Sleeping in. Driving. Narrating my pet’s thoughts. Opening gifts. Buying gifts. Halloween. Cute texts. Apples. Compliments. Country music. Hip Hop. Sushi. Sports. Art. Singing. Seeing my loved ones happy. Surprises. Sunsets and sunrises. Skinny dipping. Horror movies. Simon Cowell. Family Guy. Garlic. Hearing somebody talk in their sleep. Being right. KFC. Abstract photography. Concerts and festivals. Tanning. Oversized t-shirts.

I would love to be a:
Police officer. Lawyer. Doctor. Teacher. Fruit picker. Mother. Greenpeace volunteer. Hippie. Groupie. Rockstar. Footballer’s wife. Therapist. Singer. Actress. Diving instructor. Lottery winner. Company owner. Housewife. Nurse. Builder. Race car driver. Website developer. An inspirational talker. Music teacher. Artist. Chef. Makeup artist. Hairdresser. Restaurant owner. Homeless shelter volunteer. Fitness trainer. Vet. Radio show host. Band manager.

I like to eat:
Fruit. Vegetables. Fast food. Sushi. In bed. Rice. Sandwiches. Subway. Chicken. Cakes. Seafood. A lot. Pasta. Rice crackers. When I’m bored. Cheese. Ice cream. Garlic bread. Peanut butter out of the jar. Eggs. Lots of ethnic foods. Pancakes. Honey. Lunch. Bread crusts. Low calorie foods. Soy products. Gluten free products. When I’m hungry. Toast. Breakfast. Pizza.


I dislike:
Cold mornings. Baths. People dissing my taste in music. People in front of me walking really slowly. Having my personal space invaded. Cleaning. Going to bed early. Wine/beer. Religion arguments. Coffee. The beach. Rain. Children. Having my photo taken. Drama. Gossiping. Hip Hop. Cooking shows. Drugs. Cats. People singing happy birthday to me. Selfish people. Social networking sites. Swimming. Snow. Eminem. Seafood. One word text messages. Awkward silences. Alarm clocks. Hypocrites.

Busch Gardens...

...was really fun :)

We had to go up there for this chorus competition called Music in the Parks. It wasn't much of a competition, seeing as we were the only high school, but it still felt nice to actually get superior ratings and win some awards (which, if you heard our chorus and knew our teacher, you would know is a luxury we don't enjoy often).

Oh, and I got the medal for Outstanding Vocalist for my solo. No big deal or anything ;)
Running around the park with Tatiana was great, too. She's very adept at getting us to the front of lines, so we had minimal wait times.
The ride home had to be the best though. I loved everyone we sat near, which is cool because that normally doesn't happen when you are extremely irked by 85% of the people on said bus. But I sat next to Tatiana, Kurt and Drexel were in front of us, Karen and Sam were behind us, and Dominic, Kara, and Laura were to the right of us. Being on a cold, dark bus for 4 hours at a time in seats that are impossible to get comfortable in makes everyone a little loopy, but very very funny. I'll just let this picture explain it all.There are lots of aspects (and people) in chorus that I hate, but it's trips like these and people like this that reminds me why I started loving it in the first place. :)

Day 30

Whatever tickles your fancy~


I kinda love my friends to death :)

Day 29

Hopes, dreams and plans for the next 365 days~

Hopes:
I hope to pass all my AP/AICE exams.
I hope to get straight A's this quarter.
I hope to get my license and car within the next month.
I hope to get accepted to Ohio State University.
I hope to get enough scholarships and grants to actually be able to go to OSU.
I hope to become a critic writer.
I hope to sing on broadway.
I hope to find the right guy.
I hope to be successful.
I hope to be happy.

Dreams:
I dream that one day I will meet Daniel Radcliffe.
I dream that I'll become a famous singer.
I dream that I'll get to travel to every continent.
I dream that I'll have a huge beautiful wedding.
I dream that I'll stay friends with those who mean most to me for the rest of my life.

Plans for the next 365 days:
AP/AICE exams.
Summer(:
3OH!3 in concert.
Weekend home alone with Brooke and Lily.
License.
Car.
Visit Ohio State.
Senior year.
Apply to Ohio State, Berkley, UNF, FSU, and Boston College.
Get accepted.
Graduate.
Start my real life.

Day 28

This year, in great detail~

As we slowly near the halfway mark of 2010, we near the end of my time as a Junior. Just a few AP Exams and a little time left over and then I'm done. It's really mind-blowing to think about how fast time has gone by. I remember coming into 11th grade thinking, "This is the last year I have before being a Senior. It's my most important year. It won't go by that fast, this can't actually all be happening." Yet here I am, about 9 months later, nearly on the top of the high school totem pole.
Sure, I'm marginally scared. Applying for college and actually GOING there really freaks me out. But at the same time it doesn't. College changes everything. It's the beginning of your independent life, and independence sounds really satisfactory right about now. Don't get me wrong, I love my parents and my sister and everything...but I want to get as far away from them as humanly possible. It's not even mainly because we don't get along or that I'm sick of listening to their rules and regulations (although that does obviously play a factor) but I just want to be free. I want to run my own life and have to make my own decisions and be forced to take responsibility for myself. Whenever something gets too complicated and I don't feel like dealing with it, like SAT sign up or college research, I just tell my parents and get them to fix it. In college I can't do that. And while that kinda sucks because I'm extremely lazy, it's also amazing because I'll be legitimately living my own life. Every decisions will be my own. I'm so excited for that power.

I could go on and on talking about where I want to go for college and how I plan on getting there, or how much I'm going to miss my friends and the memories from high school; but everyone already knows that. That's what every Junior is thinking about right now. No point in reiterating. All I do want to say, though, is that Senior year is our last chance to leave our mark. Our last chance to do and say all the things we've been contemplating since freshman year. Our last chance to let all the underclassmen know that they can't beat us. Ever.

Go big or go home, '11.

Day 27

This month, in great detail~

To sum up my month would be next to impossible. So many random little things happen to me and I have the memory of a goldfish with ADHD, so it'd be a very confused and sporadic description if I could even come up with one. But throughout this month, the things that stand out the most in my mind are the people I encounter and the situations that happen with them. There are a few people I really need to say some things to, so I figured here's the best place to do it. Anonymously and worry-free.

Person 1
I honestly don't even feel like we're friends anymore. We barely see each other, we're always with other people, and the saddest part is neither of us really tries to fix it. I know that no matter what you'll be there for me and I hope you know that I'll always be there for you, but I just don't think that we're ever going to be as close as we used to be. Our lives are just too different. I'll be going soon and you'll still be here, and I think the reality of that is starting to set in for both of us. I feel terrible admitting that part of me doesn't really want to stop it because my life is moving forward to change completely, and I kind of want to let it do its thing. But no matter what, you know I love you with all my heart and I'll always be here.

Person 2
I'm so worried about us. We're such a confusing...thing. In reality, we probably don't classify as anything. But to me we do. And I feel like it's slipping through my fingers. I don't blame you really; I'm not there, you're not here. It's understandable that you would leave at some point, and to be honest I expected it. I guess I just didn't expect to be so affected by it. I figured that since I knew it was going to happen, it wouldn't phase me when it did. But it really is; because even though deep down I knew that you were going to leave sooner or later, the thought never even crossed my mind. Not once.

Person 3
I hate you so much it's ridiculous. And the reason I hate you is because I love you. Isn't that a bitch? The mere thought of you infuriates me, everything you do pisses me off and is so mean and insensitive to how I feel, yet I keep coming back for more. Holding on to you is probably the stupidest thing I've ever done in my life, but I can't bare to let go. I really just want to punch you in the face. Maybe if you'd let me do that it'd let out all the confusion. That'd be cool.

Person 4
What is your deal?? I'm so confused by what you're doing right now. You haven't even looked in my direction for months unless it was a glare of death, and now suddenly in the past week you've directly addressed my existence twice. I don't know whether to assume that you're finally starting to forgive me and realize why I did what I did...or if this is all some part of your plot to shank me in the stomach the next time we come across each other in an empty hallway.

Person 5
Words can't even begin to describe how happy I am that I met you. In the past month, you've been a better friend to me than I've had in a very long time. Even though we've literally just become friends, I trust you more than I do 95% of the friends I have now. I feel like I can talk about anything to you and I'll never be judged, and you can do the same with me. You kinda rock my world. <3

Persons 6 and 7
You guys get a paragraph as one combined unit because we're all just one big combined unit. Throughout this year, you two have become my best friends. We're always together, we're always happy when we're together, and we get along and compliment each other's personalities so well it's kinda scary. You guys are honestly the greatest people I've ever met and I love you both so much. Three Muskequeers forever :) <3>

Day 26

Your week, in great detail~

Well it's only tuesday...but I suppose I could talk about what I'm going to be doing? Because I have a terrible memory and couldn't tell you what I did last week specifically if my life depended on it.

Sunday- Woke up at 11am, thinking it was all a dream. Turned on my phone and, after getting a few texts, realized it wasn't. Had breakfast with my parents. Watched some Whose Line Is It Anyways. Talked to Tatiana on the phone about our little situation for 90% of my day. Drove to Target and got Tatiana a birthday present. Facebook. Procrastination. More phone calls with Tatiana. Phone calls with Grant, Nathan, and Tatiana. Threw up (for reasons only certain people know. Wow that makes it sound like I'm pregnant. But I'm not!). Did a little bit of homework, leaving most of it until the next day. Went to sleep extremely excited to get back to Boca High the next day.

Monday- Woke up late and had to rush through a shower. Drove to school in the pouring rain, having to run through the rain to get into school. Went to French, making a bunch of weird jokes and laughing with Lily. Did my AP Psych homework in French. Went to Chorus and auditioned for the Don't Stop Believin solo. Went to Chemistry and laughed my way through with all my favorite, hilarious people. Then AP English with Jess, discussing controversial topics and doing a practice AP multiple choice. Lunch, discussions with Erin and Michael. AP Psych, got an 88 on the quiz. AP US, sat around and did nothing. Chilled in Combs's room during free period for a while. Got picked up and went home. Took a long nap. Woke up and ate dinner. Spent the rest of the night on facebook. Didn't do any homework.

Tuesday- Woke up. Showered. Drove to school with Brooke and Emily. Decorated Tatiana's first hour desk with all her presents and stuff for her birthday. Went to French where I did my AP Psych homework again. Had my hallway meeting with Tyler on my way to Chorus. Got the solo for Don't Stop Believin, along with Erin and some other people. Helped Tatiana transport her gifts and balloons to Chem. Fire drill. Finished AP Psych homework. AP English, more controversial topic discussions. Someone unexpected actually talked to me in a civilized manor. Proceeded with delirious laughter during lunch, still sitting in my AP English seat. Ate lunch with Jess. Played Jeopardy in AP Psych and won. Studied for AP US quiz. Nailed the AP US quiz. Nugget run with Tatiana and Jess during free period. Came back to school. Russell drove me home. Doing my blog. No homework. Glee tonight.

Wednesday- Morning routine. No homework to do during any classes because I don't have any tonight. Writing an essay in English I'm pretty sure. Free response questions in AP Psych. Probably go to sleep in AP US if there's nothing better to do. Make up my Chem test during free period. Go to the hospital after school. Change into volunteer outfit. Chill with Megan and Gus for 4 hours. Get lots of coffee, go on many walks, do yoga in the secret room. Come home at 8pm. Homework maybe if I have any. Even if I do, probably won't do it until tomorrow during school. Phone with Nathan and Grant. Sleep.

Thursday- Basically the same thing. Homework probably due in AP Psych, which means I'll be doing it during French and Chem. Quiz in AP US most likely. Hopefully leaving early during free period. Come home. Probably nap. Contemplate doing homework. Most likely won't. Eat dinner. Watch Survivor. Lots of facebook, as per usual. Phone with Nathan and Grant. Sleep.

Friday- Same thing again. AP US final today. Probably going to fail. Doesn't matter though because the lowest he'll give is a C. More homework probably due in AP Psych. You know what that means. Hopefully something fun after school with Tatiana and Jess. Otherwise either leaving early during free period if I can get a ride, or getting a ride from Russ. Excited for tomorrow.

Saturday- Sleep in nice and late. Lounge around all day. Maybe go swimming or tan if it's nice. Perhaps see Kristen during the day? Figure out specifics of the plan for the night with Tatiana and Jess. Get all dressed up and pretty. Out to dinner to some sort of Benihana type restaurant for Tatiana's 17th birthday. Have a kick-ass night.

Day 25

Your day, in great detail~

April 26th 2010, up until right now.

1. Alarm didn't go off.
2. Woke up at 7am.
3. Rushed through a shower.
4. Checked facebook.
5. Put on my make up.
6. Texted Kylee back.
7. Combed out my hair.
8. Got dressed.
9. Blow-dried my hair.
10. Got in the car.
11. Picked up Brooke.
12. Picked up Emily.
13. Dropped off my sister.
14. Got to school.
15. Sat down in my hallway.
16. Hugged Nick.
17. Walked to French with Lily.
18. Did my AP Psych homework during French.
19. Passed notes with Lily.
20. Walked to Chorus.
21. Talked to Tatiana.
22. Auditioned for the Don't Stop Believin' Solo.
23. Nailed it.
24. Sang songs and got pissed off at the Alto section for being inept.
25. Walked to Chemistry with Tatiana.
26. Turned in my Chem Lab Report.
27. Talked to Charles.
28. Talked to Draper.
29. Got my progress report.
30. Took notes on Gas Laws.
31. Walked to AP English with Jess and Tatiana.
32. Discussed whether or not teens should be allowed to drink in their own homes with parental supervision.
33. Took an AP Multiple Choice.
34. Walked out of the building and found Erin.
35. Walked and talked with Erin.
36. Went to my locker.
37. Met up for lunch with Brooke and Nick.
38. Told Michael a story.
39. Went and sat with Jessica, Tatiana, and Michael.
40. Walked to AP Psych with Tatiana.
41. Told Adam how much I missed him repeatedly.
42. Shared food with Ashley.
43. Took an AP Psych quiz.
44. Got an 88.
45. Did quiz corrections.
46. Talked about boobs with Nicole, Alina, and Ashley.
47. Explained to Adam the issue Tatiana and I are currently having.
48. Put my AP Psych book in my locker and got my AP US History book.
49. Hugged Tim.
50. Hugged Bruno.
51. Hugged Camilla.
52. Did Tim's chemistry homework.
53. Talked with everyone for the rest of class.
54. Went to my locker.
55. Walked to Combs's room with Nick.
56. Met up with Michael, Breana, and Tatiana.
57. Told Combs's about the situation.
58. Read him the message that was sent to me.
59. Laughed when he told me I should call the police.
60. Let Michael change my status on facebook to something inappropriate.
61. Walked with Michael down to the front of the school.
62. Got in the car.
63. Got yelled at by my Dad.
64. Got dropped off at home.
65. Sang "Defying Gravity" very loudly, twice.

Day 24

Whatever tickles your fancy~

Sometimes in life, you do things that are really stupid.
Then there are those rare times when you do something that seems really stupid and you know is probably a bad idea, but then it turns out to be one of the best/funniest decisions you've ever made.

That's what happened last night.

The story is kinda long and kinda hectic, and pretty out there, even for me, Tatiana, and Jess, but I swear every word of it is true. I couldn't make this up if I tried.

Tatiana, Jess, and I were hanging out like we normally do. We had just been to get food, driving around aimlessly, and to the mall. It was about 8pm and we were getting bored so we decided to retire to my house to just hang out and walk around the neighborhood. As we were driving home, this convertible BMW goes speeding past us like nobody's business. And being that it's us and that Jessica likes to go fast and has a compulsion for racing people, we've obviously got to speed up and get past them to prove a point.
Aaaaaand here's where it started.
Turns out it's a car full of guys who look about our age. We continue this trend of speeding up in front of them, them speeding up in front of us, following each other around Boca in this sort of race we've created. Then we're at a stoplight and they're sitting behind us, and one of the 4 jumps out of the car, runs over to us, and asks us for our numbers. We're a little reluctant at first, obviously, so we don't say anything. Then they keep following us into Mizner, and eventually we're like "you know what? screw it. what's the worse that could happen?"
So at the next stoplight, Tatiana shouts out her number to one of the boys. Then, (I don't know what compelled me to do so, perhaps I was on crack) I called the number and told our car of followers to meet us at Mizner.

At this moment, you're probably thinking at least one of the following:
1) They're going to rape you.
2) They're going to be losers.
3) They're going to be creepy.
4) They're going to be not your age.
5) They're going to be creepy, older-or-younger-than-you losers who are going to rape you.
Trust me, I was thinking the EXACT same things. But you know what? I never do anything risky like this, so screw it, I'm going for it.

So we park in the garage at Mizner and get out of our cars. We ask the standard "where do you go to school" questions and make our way to the Ice Cream place and then to Starbucks. Tyler then proceeded to pay for all our drinks (immediately a good sign for the "i'm pretty sure they're not going to rape us" side of the argument) and then we continue to walk around.

The rest of the night consisted of Dallas and Dustin harassing/touching old people, buying some girl's shirt off of her for $100, Dallas wearing it around Mizner, buying ragdolls at the ice cream parlour, chasing after cars, and laughing so hard that I cried and lost my breath on multiple occasions, and probably burned a 6 pack as well.
I think I'm just going to let this picture say what is just impossible to put into words:

Needless to say, definitely one of the craziest/funniest/most awesome nights of my life.

Day 23

A youtube video~




"I've got a condition....and it's called PWNING NOOBS!"

Words cannot even describe how much I love them.

Day 22

A website~

http://stfuconservatives.tumblr.com/

Day 21

A recipe~

Peppermint Brownies

Ingredients

• 4 ounces Ghirardelli 100% Cacao Unsweetened Chocolate baking bar, broken or chopped into 1 inch pieces
• 1 cup unsalted butter
• 3 large eggs
• 2 cups granulated white sugar
• 1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
• 1/2 teaspoon peppermint extract
• 1/4 teaspoon salt
• 1 cup all-purpose flour
• 1 (5.32 ounce) bag Ghirardelli Dark Chocolate with White Mint Filling Squares™, unwrapped
• 4 small candy canes, crushed

Directions

1. Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F. Spray a 9-inch square baking pan with cooking spray and dust with flour, tapping out any excess.
2. In the top of a double boiler or in a heatproof bowl over barely simmering water, melt the unsweetened chocolate and butter, stirring occasionally until smooth. Cool to room temperature.
3. In a large bowl with an electric mixer or whisk, beat the eggs, sugar, vanilla, peppermint extract, and salt until combined. Beat in the chocolate mixture. Gently stir in the flour. Pour the batter into the prepared pan.
4. Bake for about 45 minutes, or until a tester inserted into the brownies comes out clean. Arrange the mint squares on top in one layer and return the brownies to the oven until they are just melted, about 1 minute. Evenly spread the chocolate with a spatula and sprinkle with the crushed candy canes. Cool completely before cutting into 2-inch squares.

Day 20

A hobby of yours~

Writing! Mostly non-fiction, but I do fiction sometimes when I get creative. I'm more of the argumentative-essays-in-AP-English sort of girl, though.

Day 19

A talent of yours~

Singing :)

Day 18

Whatever tickles your fancy~

Kind of exactly how I feel and how I have felt for a good 3 years now.
That, and it's a Beatles song and I love it.

You've Really Got a Hold On Me::The Beatles

I don't like you
But I love you
Seems that I'm always
Thinkin' of you
Oh, ho, ho, you treat me badly
I love you madly

You've really got a hold on me
(You really got a hold on me)
You really got a hold on me
(You really got a hold on me)

Baby
I don't want you
But I need you
Don't wanna kiss you
But I need to
Oh, ho, ho You do me wrong now
My love is strong now

You've really got a hold on me
(You really got a hold on me)
You really got a hold on me
(You really got a hold on me)


Baby
I love you and all I want you to do
Is just
Hold me
Hold me
Hold me
Hold me

Tighter
Tighter

I wanna leave you
Don't wanna stay here
Don't wanna spend another day here
Oh ho ho, I wanna split now
I just can't quit now
You've really got a hold on me
(You really got a hold on me)
You really got a hold on me
(You really got a hold on me)

Baby
I love you and all I want you to do
Is just
Hold me (please)
Hold me (squeeze)
Hold me
Hold me

You really got a hold on me
(You really got a hold on me)
You really got a hold on me
(You really got a hold on me)

Day 17

An art piece~


A photograph my friend Lily made. 4 of me spelling out C-H-A-R
:) <3

Day 16

A song that makes you cry (or nearly)~


My Way by Frank Sinatra

(I love you, Grandad<3)

Day 15

A fanfic~

I'm sorry, but I don't even know what this is, and I really don't want to spend my time looking for one.

Just have to wait 'til tomorrow for something interesting! ;)

Day 14

A non-fictional book~

My hero<3

Day 13

A fictional book~

Day 12

Whatever tickles your fancy~

GLEE IS ON TONIGHT!
GLEE IS ON TONIGHT!
GLEE IS ON TONIGHT!
GLEE IS ON TONIGHT!
GLEE IS ON TONIGHT!
GLEE IS ON TONIGHT!
GLEE IS ON TONIGHT!
GLEE IS ON TONIGHT!
GLEE IS ON TONIGHT!
GLEE IS ON TONIGHT!
GLEE IS ON TONIGHT!
<3

Day 11

A photo taken of you recently~

the one picture of myself without make up on that i actually like

three things

As of right now, through all the chaos and problems in life, there are three things I fully believe in:

1- You don't have to be friends with a person for a long time to completely trust them with everything you have.

2- Deep down, I'm a lot braver than I give myself credit for, even if I can't always act on it.

3- I have finally found that one boy in the whole world who I truly and fully mean it to when I say "i love you," but it's not even in a romantic way. And I'm perfectly okay with that.

We spend a lot of time trying to be the mature adult, for we feel it's the only way to solve our problems. Yet sometimes, the best revelations of life come after those hours of immaturity where it all escapes you. Because it's when it all escapes you that you have the clarity to think.

Namaste~

Day 10

A photo taken of you over 10 years ago~

I think it's safe to say I was the cutest baby ever.

Day 09

A photo you took~
South Beach, Miami

Day 08

A photo that makes you angry/sad~

It makes me sad because people in this country actual voted for her.
It makes me angry because she's a fucking dumbass and a disgrace to the female population and intelligent life in general.

Day 07

A photo that makes you happy~

My best friend with me on my favorite ride in my favorite park in my favorite place to be in the whole wide world.
What could be happier?

Day 06

Whatever tickles your fancy~

This is Tim Urban.
He's on American Idol.
And he's my future boyfriend :) <3333333

Day 05

Favorite Quote~

"There are all kinds of addicts, I guess. We all have pain. And we all look for ways to make the pain go away." -Sherman Alexie

Day 04

Favorite Book~

Once again, couldn't choose. It was either the best series ever to be written, or the little piece of invaluable genius sent down to us from the God who is none other than Tucker Max.

Day 03

Favorite TV Program~

I couldn't choose between them, so I had to put both.

Day 02

Favorite movie~

WHAT THE HELL

Boston Rob got voted off Survivor :(
I'm not watching that show anymore. He was the whole point.
Stupid fucking Russell!

Day 01

Favorite song~

Stairway to Heaven by Led Zeppelin

30 Day Challenge

So my friend Kristen is doing this on her blog to I figured "hey what the hell? why not, it's not like I've got anything better to be doing."

Don't be surprised if there are some other random posts in between this because inspiration strikes when I can't stop it. But for the most part here we go:

Day 01 — Your favorite song
Day 02 — Your favorite movie
Day 03 — Your favorite television program
Day 04 — Your favorite book
Day 05 — Your favorite quote
Day 06 — Whatever tickles your fancy
Day 07 — A photo that makes you happy
Day 08 — A photo that makes you angry/sad
Day 09 — A photo you took
Day 10 — A photo of you taken over ten years ago
Day 11 — A photo of you taken recently
Day 12 — Whatever tickles your fancy
Day 13 — A fictional book
Day 14 — A non-fictional book
Day 15 — A fanfic
Day 16 — A song that makes you cry (or nearly)
Day 17 — An art piece (painting, drawing, sculpture, etc.)
Day 18 — Whatever tickles your fancy
Day 19 — A talent of yours
Day 20 — A hobby of yours
Day 21 — A recipe
Day 22 — A website
Day 23 — A YouTube video
Day 24 — Whatever tickles your fancy
Day 25 — Your day, in great detail
Day 26 — Your week, in great detail
Day 27 — This month, in great detail
Day 28 — This year, in great detail
Day 29 — Hopes, dreams and plans for the next 365 days
Day 30 — Whatever tickles your fancy

Letters from the Crushed

s,

I’m trying to move on. Actually, what I meant was: I’m giving up.

— a



E,

Isn’t it too bad that we didn’t do anything because we couldn’t jeopardize such a great friendship? We’re barely friends anymore, and we’re both still unhappy.

— P




S,

You’re unconsciously breaking my heart and I’m telling you subtly. Please learn how to take a hint.

— P




red,

i don’t know why we never let anything ‘happen’ between us. we clicked, like finding the right key for the right lock, but we never open it. even though we could.

— yellow

Best friend,

You were so afraid to mess up a great friendship, that you wouldn’t let us think about being something more.

The irony? We don’t talk anymore, anyway.

— A best friend that misses you

C,

I’ve come to accept that you will only like girls who treat you like crap. It’s a shame I never could be so cruel to you so you would love me too.

— A

C,

I googled “how to make a guy fall in love with you” today. And you know what I realized (other than how sad and pathetic it was that I actually googled it)? I’d already done all the things listed… and you still don’t love me.

— K

Be cool, be hot, be weird, it's just four years

In less than 3 days, I'll be in the fourth quarter of my Junior year.
In a little over 2 months, I'll be done with my Junior year.
In a little more than a year, I'll be graduating high school.

Holy. Shit.

Don't get me wrong, I strongly dislike school. I hate the workload, the stupid people you have to deal with, the studying, everything. But where else have I known besides school? Where else have ANY of us known? Technically, we've been in school for about 90% of our lives. And I'm not talking low restrictions, take-responsibility-yourself college type of school; I mean scheduled, here are your teachers, this is when you go to lunch, you HAVE TO GO school. So ultimately, in about a years time, I'll be leaving every comfort zone, every routine, every lifestyle that I've known since before I can remember. That's it. No exceptions. I'm DONE.
Over the summer thoughts will be switched from "where should I get my locker this year?" to "will I even HAVE a locker this year?"; from "I hope I have classes with all my friends" to "am I even going to KNOW anyone?"; and from "I've still got a few more years left" to "I can't believe it's already over."
Sure, I'm excited. College is where all the fun is. It's where we can get away from our parents, restrictions, rules. It's freedom. But am I ready for all that? I don't know. Can I discipline myself to go to classes when no one else will? I don't know. Am I going to be alright? I. Don't. Know.
Every aspect of our lives revolves around high school. All the friends you've made over the years, the teachers you've become close with, the memories you're so fond of; it's all here. Pretty much all of the people I know now I'll never talk to again. Sure, you say you'll keep in touch, but when you're thousands of miles away, it gets so difficult to keep that promise. As horrible as it feels to admit it, I may not even talk to my best friend ever again after this is over. That scares the hell out of me. Everything I could have in my life is out there, but everything that IS my life is right here. I'm not sure if I'm ready to leave it yet.

I can moan and complain about how much I'll miss it here despite how much I want to leave, but ultimately, it's happening. And fast. I guess maybe the reason it's taking me by surprise so much is because when you think of 4 years of high school as that little excited 8th grader, it seems like eternity, and becoming a Senior seems like the unreachable holy grail at the end of eternity. But really, it goes a lot faster than you think. Part of that sucks, but part of it's exciting, and all of it is just how life goes.

So I guess all I can say is "freshmen, hold on, it's only four years long, then it's gone. So be cool, be hot, be weird...it's just four years." <3

jdhfjkdhfksd

Just stopping by to say that I want to punch every male I've ever met in the face- except for Michael Brinkman and Nathan Perreau- simply for being a part of such a narcissistic, egostistical, irrational, infuriating gender.

Kthxbye.

Re-living those happy memories:)

Sometimes when you're down, re-living the memories that made you the happiest is the only way to go. I was trying to think of some of the happiest moments in my life, and I realized that they all revolve around one person and one weekend with her specifically: my best friend Lily Marie Leitkowski and our trip to Disney for my 16th birthday. That was without a doubt THE BEST weekend of my life to date. Lily and I have the best times anyway, and all my greatest and happiest memories are without a doubt with her. But put the two of us in "the happiest place on earth" and you've got yourself a recipe for hilarity and havoc causin'. And that's exactly what we did.
So this blog is for you and I, Lily, with all the funny pictures and hilarious insiders that I can remember. It made me excessively happy making this, and I'm sure it'll make you just as joyful reading it and re-living one of the best times of our lives so far :)

• riding everest 38947238942 times in order to get the right picture

• front row on everest

• shutting our eyes and plugging our ears on the dinosaur ride because we're wimps

• "check out steven tyler's hat!" "i know lily you've said it 5 times"

• can you hand me my black les paul?

• you know how we feel about our fans

• "we can't just leave these people here!" "we can't?" "nuh-oh!"

• getting front row to rockin rollar coaster without even having to ask

• that guy at RRC getting the whole room to sing happy bday to me

• "SINGLE RIDER, WOOOOOO!"

• ditching the other parks within 5 minutes of getting there to go on RRC again

• buying literally every food item i walked by

• midday naps :)

• watching late night disney tour shows on the hotel tv once we got back at like 2am

• "the LAAAAAAAAAAAAAND!"

• "that'll be 11.69" "man that number follows us everywhere" *cashier chuckles* "lily you dropped a penny" "it's hard to handle!" *cashier bursts out laughing*

• "you'll be 6 and she'll be 9! you can't use the pen though it's too hard to handle...i hope my boss didn't hear that"

• "i fricken LOVE Hercules!!"

• "I'm going to a picnic and I'm bring an anteater, a blueberry, a condom..."

• reciting old gregg on the bus back from Magic Kingdom at 1am

• singing The Resolution on Thunder Mountain Railroad

• not being able to get from Magic Kingdom to Hollywood studios or vice versa, so having to take a bus to the ticket center, take the bus to Hollywood Studios, ride RRC first row, then take the bus back to the ticket center, and take the monorail back to Magic Kingdom, all at about 10:30pm at night on a Sunday.

• Walk This Way by Aerosmith <3

• Magic Kingdom at night with the Spectromagic Parade and Wishes Fireworks <333>

• "VOOOOOOOOOLCANOOOOOOO!" Rainforest Cafe for bday dinner

• getting a Splash Mountain picture all by ourselves at midnight

• "I REALLY HATE YOU RIGHT NOW. WHY DID I GET ON THIS RIDE??"
  

• "I have a feeling that the Laughin Place isn't going to be very funny"

• "so uhh Lily...Hollywood Studios is still open..." "I WAS THINKING THE SAME THING LET'S GOOOOOOO!"

So here's to all our crazy antics, obsessions with rides, early morning bus rides, cheese-sauce loving, checking out steven tyler's hat tendencies, and here's to the 176 days exactly until it all goes down again for my 17th ;)